Texas Leaguer
By Danny Wayne Cotton
Download the original manuscript (PDF)
The manuscript’s title page carried Danny’s home address and telephone number. It is omitted here; the script begins at FADE IN.
FADE IN-EXT. STADIUM PARKING LOT-SUNNY AFTERNOON, APRIL IN
TEXAS TIGHT ON BLACK REPTILE SKIN BOOT on asphalt, something like “SHOTGUN WILLIE”- Willie Nelson plays Massive CHAW OF DIP falls next to boot. Slowly, we see DISTRESSED JEANS, DODGE RAMHEAD BELT BUCKLE, LEATHER JACKET over a MOLLY HATCHETT (or similar) TEE, then a face. BOBBY LEE MORGAN man, mid 20s w/FIVE O’CLOCK SHADOW, LARGE REFLECTIVE SUNGLASSES and ARKANSAS RAZORBACKS CAP POINTED FORWARD-PIG SHOWING Bobby Lee cleans dip away from his mouth Following Bobby Lee, walking away from 71 DODGE CHARGER CONVERTIBLE towards STADIUM w/INTERLOCKING PV AND CATFISH IN A BASEBALL CAP (see team and cap logo for Carolina Mudcats, New Orleans Zephyrs, Portland Sea Dogs, for similar visual ref.) Bobby Lee glances at the paper, then up at the building, then back to the paper, reading
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
Prados Verdes Municipal Stadium. Gate E.
(Looks around)
Go Mudcats.
INT. MANAGER’S OFFICE- AT THE END OF THE DAY
BEN, the skip,Older, African-American, intimidating in the same sense as a drill instructor is sitting at a desk, sipping COKE IN A GLASS BOTTLE. Sitting across from him is JACK, the pitching coach, a greyhaired man of 50-60 Also, JIMMY a barrel chested, broad shouldered catcher with an expression suggesting easygoing but also dangerous. Position evident by CHEST and SHIN GUARDS.
BEN
(getting up to go to a filing cabinet)
So this kid they’re sending down, he was half of the Chicago heat wave a couple of years ago.
JACK
That’s the problem with a Cuban. See, they play them so hard when they’re young that you never can tell how much wear and tear they went through.
BEN
It isn’t the Cuban, old man.
JIMMY
The kid from Arkansas that was married to the Playmate?
Ben removes a FIFTH OF LIQUOR and ROCKS GLASS from the cabinet, pours two fingers and what’s left of his Coke bottle
BEN
And now divorced from the playmate.
JACK
Bet that shit smarts.
BEN
Word from the organization is that he hit the booze a little hard. Partied too much, did everything short of juicing or dogfighting.
JIMMY
Unforgivable sins.
BEN
Had your typical little meltdown, dropped to a 4.2 on the year, but 6.3 in his last ten.
JIMMY
Sounds like he couldn’t leave the personal bullshit off the mound.
BEN
(knowing eye roll, takes a drink)
Exactly.
JACK
That kid had a hell of a first season. I mean the kind that makes a statement.
BEN
2.3! But he’s all power, power waxes and wanes on psychology.
JIMMY
(opening a PACK OF NABS)
So, young kid, Jorge catches him.
BEN
(shooting back what’s left of his drink)
He’s a power throwing basket case, Jimmy.
JACK
Besides that poor little, what are they supposed to be called?
JIMMY
Mexicans
JACK
That poor little Mexican is dealing with New Meat. And the boy has state championship stuff
BEN
With A league control.
JACK
And the Nip with the impossible breaking ball.
BEN
(pained)
At least say Jap, old man.
JACK
The slant eyed little fella that doesn’t speak a lick of English, how’s that?
JIMMY
(with a mouthful of cracker)
At least it’s accurate.
Ben shoots back what’s left, which is plenty, he’s been sipping
BEN
Jimmy you catch him.
JIMMY
Come on, I got Bubba and Papa Shango
BEN
Exactly,power pitchers.
(beat)
Who need psychologists.
JIMMY
Why I always babysit the basket cases?
BEN
Cuz I babysat you back in Louisville.
EXT. STADIUM PARKING LOT- SAME DAY
Bobby Lee, walking out of the ballpark towards his car, w/ PR GUY a neat, businessy looking guy
PR GUY
I can take you to your new apartment Mister Morgan
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
Bobby Lee, please. I’ll drive, just tell me how to get there.
Bobby Lee’s Charger enters the frame. Bobby Lee throws his bag into the back seat.
PR GUY
This is a great car.
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
(flatly)
71, 426 Hemi V8, Hurst on the floor, hooker in the trunk
PR GUY
(nervous laugh)
Bobby Lee grins, spits out chaw They get in the car. Bobby Lee puts a TAPE in the tape deck.
PR GUY
It’s a right out of the parking lot. So, dress code. Neatly trimmed facial hair is acceptable. When
(MORE)
PR GUY (cont’d) leaving the clubhouse after a game our dress code calls for collared shirt and no athletic shoes.
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
Western shirt and cowboy boots?
PR GUY
Acceptable. As one of our star pitchers you’ll be expected to film and be compensated for some advertisement deals we have locally.
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
Natch
Bobby Lee fires up the ignition, lays rubber as he pulls out, turns up something like LYNYRD SKYNYRD-DOWN SOUTH JUKIN’ PR Guy is trying his best to hide his discomfort at the first light
PR GUY
It’s a left here
Bobby Lee crosses from the far right to the left turn lane and hammers it to beat the light
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
That’s that Hemi power. Can’t beat it.
(turns up music)
INT. BOBBY LEE’S NEW “BACHELOR” APT.
The door opens and PR guy is followed by Bobby Lee
PR GUY
And this is your new apartment.
Bobby Lee throws bag down, takes off sunglasses, sets STYROFOAM CUP he was holding on top of the television
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
Get a few empties and a bottle full of spit and it’ll feel like home. I give it two weeks until the sink starts smelling.
PR GUY
(nervously)
The life of a bachelor, huh?
Bobby Lee goes over to balcony window, takes out his DIP CAN, starts shaking it BOBBY LEE POV He sees a NEON SIGN with a large GOAT’S HEAD and the word “GOAT” above it and “ROPER’S” below it.
BACK TO THE APARTMENT
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
(opening the dip can)
What’s that out there?
PR GUY
That’s your apartment complex’s swimming pool.
BACK TO VIEW OUT WINDOW, MOVES DOWN FROM THE BIG GOAT TO
SHOW POOL, THEN BACK TO BOBBY LEE/PR GUY
PR GUY
Lots of babes in this complex.
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
(pausing from getting a plug)
No, beyond that, the big fucking goat.
PR GUY
Oh, that. That’s “Goat Roper’s.” It’s a bar. Popular with the locals. A lot of the Mudcats like to grab a cold one there after the game. Lone Star, official corporate sponsor.
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
Are there any other bars within, say, walking distance?
PR GUY
I’m afraid not.
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
Goat Roper’s it is.
(he begins to situate the plug in his mouth)
PR GUY
Oh and, Bobby Lee, let me remind you that Minor League Baseball bans tobacco use in ballparks.
Bobby Lee wipes his lip, examines his thumb, grins widely, grabs the Styrofoam cup
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
Of course
(spits a little into the cup)
INT. STEREOTYPICALLY "TEXAS" BAR- THAT NIGHT
GOAT ROPER’S has a mild country/western theme, lots of TELEVISIONS on the wall Two twenty-something girls KELLY and DALLAS are behind the bar, speaking inaudibly. KELLY "girl next door type," no-nonsense ponytail, wearing BAR RAG DALLAS fake tan, big hoop earrings, gum snapping, ditz BOBBY LEE, now in a checked western shirt, still with the Arkansas hat, walks up to the bar and takes a seat. AT THE BAR
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
(to Kelly)
Gimlet, thanks.
KELLY
(aback)
That’s one I don’t hear very often. I’d remember that order. You aren’t from Prados Verdes, are you?
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
(shaking his head, emphatic) No.
KELLY
(goes over to mix the drink)
Didn’t figure. Gin or vodka?
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
Gin.
KELLY
Preference?
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
That’s what the lime juice is for.
KELLY
(smiles)
Up or over?
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
Rocks, and can you serve it in a bottle of Lone Star so I don’t stick out?
KELLY
(serving the drink)
Funny.
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
(grinning) I try
KELLY
What brings you to beautiful buttfuck Texas?
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
(shrugs, takes a sip) Work.
KELLY
Ah, like the drink?
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
(nods yes)
KELLY
So, work? Where is work?
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
Originally, Chicago. Now, here.
KELLY
Oh, god, I thought you just meant you were on some horrible business trip.
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
You could look at it as an extended horrible business trip.
KELLY
Sorry to hear that.
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
I’ll be ok.
KELLY
You in commodities?
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
Commodities? What?
KELLY
I just figured from Chicago and the little pig on your hat.
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
Huh?
(takes off hat, looks at it)
No, this is an Arkansas hat.
(he looks up at a television)
Polonius.
KELLY
Excuse me?
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
Jeopardy, the answer is Polonius.
KELLY
(turning around to look at the TV)
Oh, yeah. Hey, you’re right.
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
(takes a big drink)
It was easy. Oh,
(shakes his head)
this one is too, too easy.
KELLY
Oh, god, yeah, Lou Gehrig. So you’re from Arkansas?
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
Not only that,
(points to his hat)
I went to this esteemed institution.
KELLY
Don’t feel bad. FAFSA sucks, so I’m stuck going to UT-Prados.
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
(laughs)
What’re you studying?
KELLY
English, so I’ll be tending bar for the rest of my life.
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
If it makes you feel any better, I have a degree in Classics from the University of Arkansas. Really helpful.
KELLY
Why classics?
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
It was a way to read about murder, incest, bestiality and an island full of lesbians without anybody thinking I was perverted.
KELLY
(chuckles)
Another gimlet?
Bobby Lee looks down, realizes his drink is empty
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
Keep ‘em coming miss, uh,
KELLY
Kelly
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
Bobby Lee
They shake hands, she goes over to make the drink CU on Bobby Lee’s gimlet. We see him pick it up full and set it down with melted ice cubes and numerous SWIZZLE STICKS next to it Bobby Lee and Kelly are laughing, Bobby Lee is signing a receipt
KELLY
So you’re sure you can get home?
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
(visibly drunk)
Yeah, quick walk back home.
The bar is pretty dead, scant few patrons
KELLY
You, know, I don’t do this very often
She takes a pen and back of receipt copy, hands it to Bobby Lee
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
Kelly Tucker three, two, six--
KELLY
(interrupting)
It’s my phone number, smartass.
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
(looks up, grins)
So it is. See you again sometime.
Bobby Lee leaves, Dallas, with empty tray, comes up to the bar
DALLAS
He was cute.
KELLY
Yeah, he dipped though. Don’t know if I can get over that.
DALLAS
What did you guys talk about?
KELLY
Faulkner versus O’Connor, the poems of Sappho, Keith Olbermann
DALLAS
(blank look)
KELLY
He’s a smart guy.
DALLAS
Prados Verdes has another nerd. You know, Jeff still keeps calling you.
KELLY
Yeah, Jeff just figured out breathing through his nose.
DALLAS
But he was soo cute.
KELLY
And so stupid, believe me, jocks are cute, but they’re troglodytes.
DALLAS
(blank stare, shakes head, starts walking away)
KELLY
I’m just saying, that guy seemed a lot more interesting than somebody who wants to throw a ball for a living.
EXT. FIELD/STADIUM- AROUND DUSK, GAME TIME
Bobby Lee and Jimmy are standing on the mound before the first inning
PA ANNOUNCER (V.O.)
And pitching tonight for the Mudcats, Number Nine, Bobby Lee Morgan. M-U-D-C-A-T gooo Mudcats.
Wide view, two mascots, a GIANT CATFISH and INFLATABLE SUIT CARICATURE OF HARRY CARAY dance on top of the home dugout Stadium PA plays CHARGE THEME followed by T-REX "BANG A GONG" Tight on Bobby Lee and Jimmy standing on the mound
JIMMY
Listen, Boozehound, your problem in Chicago was psychology. Alright. It’s all in the mind.
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
(compulsively playing with hat, then glove, then hat again)
Mind’s fine.
(recites, looking up at the scoreboard)
Yea, all of you be subject one to another, and be clothed with humility; for God resisteth the proud, and giveth grace to the humble.
JIMMY
What was that?
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
(playing with the rosin bag, then playing with the ball with his glove under his arm)
Catechism.
JIMMY
Cat jism?
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
Church shit, superstition, helps my head.
JIMMY
Then keep up the church shit.
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
One thing though big man.
JIMMY
Shoot.
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
I haven’t gotten through a game without dip since middle school.
JIMMY
(pulls PACK OF NICOTINE GUM from his pocket)
It’s spearmint. Just remember not to spit it out.
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
(looking up at nothing in particular)
That’s a hell of a thing for somebody to hear before having to pitch his first game.
JIMMY
Remember not to spit it out?
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
No, the song.
JIMMY
Bang a gong?
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
No, “you’ve got the teeth of the hydra upon you.”
JIMMY
Where the hell did you hear that?
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
(having trouble adjusting to gum)
It’s in the song. It’s kind of disconcerting.
JIMMY
Why?
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
The Hydra is a multi-headed Greek mythical beast. If one was upon you, you’d presumably be in a world of shit.
JIMMY
(half confused)
You’re psyching yourself out. Don’t worry about the hydra.
Bobby Lee is OCD on the mound. His routine is to tug his bill thrice, brush the back of his hat likewise, then tug his shirt thrice. He’s doing this as he speaks the next lines.
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
I’m not psyching myself out. It’s metaphorical.
JIMMY
(pulling down his mask)
You’re dirty sweet and you’re my girl
(swats Bobby Lee’s shoulder with his glove)
Jimmy heads towards home, Bobby Lee rubs his feet in the dust, goes through delivery without release, OCD routine
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
Alright, feeling good.
He throws practice power pitch, nods "yes" to Jimmy Like Bobby Lee, we get a feel for his surroundings. The crowd, the stadium, the players, the coaches making signals, etc. Bobby Lee goes through the OCD routine one more time before bringing his glove up over his mouth
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
(to himself, quickly)
I believe in God, the Father Almighty, maker of heaven and earth. And in Jesus Christ, his only Son, our Lord, who was conceived by the Holy Spirit, born of the virgin Mary, suffered under Pontius Pilate, was crucified, died and was buried. He descended into hell. The third day He rose again from the dead. He ascended into heaven and sits at the right hand of God the Father Almighty. From thence He will come to judge the living and the dead. I believe in the Holy Spirit, the Christian Church, the communion of saints, the forgiveness of sins, the resurrection of the body, and the life everlasting. Woo pig sooie, woo pig sooie, woo pig sooie, RAZORBACKS
(looks into the stands)
Beats working for a living.
Wide View of Stadium
PA ANNOUNCER (V.O)
Batting first for the Cardinals, shortstop, Clyde Raymer
Back in tight with Bobby Lee
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
First hitter, first inning, first out. First out
(tugs shirt)
One, two, three.
(rubbing back of his hat)
One, two, three
(pulls bill)
bill.
(repeats, bends down to pick up the rosin bag, bounces it in his hands three times, counting)
One, two, three drop. Take a look. Spit.
(spits, doesn’t lose his gum)
POV Bobby Lee on the mound poised to pitch and CLYDE is set up to bat
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
(glove over his mouth)
He’s in tight, let’s brush him back a little Jimbo.
(sees signal)
we concur.
(in position, stares down batter, glove still over his mouth)
I will laugh at your calamity; I will mock when your fear cometh.
(winds up throws, backs the guy off the plate a little)
UMPIRE
Ball one.
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
When distress and anguish come upon you Ye shall remember my motherfucking name.
(catches the ball, starts brushing the back of his hat)
One, two, three, bill. One, two, three, bill. Roll
(rolls head, gets in position, waves @ one finger signal)
my aim was so exact- I won’t deny it- that he could not outrun death or fend it off once I ensnared him
(winds up, throws, hard fastball, Clyde check swings)
UMPIRE
Strike one.
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
(repeats hat routine, gets into position)
Then soon as he was down I struck him yet again, and the third stroke fell
(gets leg up into pitching motion)
as a votive offering
(throws)
for Hades
(said on follow through)
Clyde connects, but he’s jammed up, pops up Wider View, Bobby Lee pointing upwards, Jimmy catches the fly Wider view, Bobby Lee and other players become indistinguishable
PA ANNOUNCER (V.O.)
Batting second for the Cardinals...
INT. KELLY’S APARTMENT-THAT NIGHT
In an apartment with decor that suggests young women, we peer over a television to see Dallas, painting her toenails
DALLAS
Oh. My. God. Could they just get to the weather already?
KELLY(O.S.)
What did we say about yelling at the television?
DALLAS
(waves dismissively)
T.V. ANCHOR (O.S.)
In other news, in his first start for the Mudcats tonight, Pitcher Bobby Lee Morgan got the W pitching seven scoreless innings against Midlands.
DALLAS
(surprised)
Kelly, I think you should come in here
KELLY(O.S.)
Why?
DALLAS
Your date is on TV.
Kelly enters, dressed up, doing whatever the hell typical heterosexual women do before a date
DALLAS
(looking Kelly over)
Fierce, but not slutty.
KELLY
(paying attention to the television)
What I was going for.
(beat)
Huh. I did not know he was a baseball player.
DALLAS
He didn’t tell you?
KELLY
I didn’t see any reason to ask.
DALLAS
Dealbreaker?
KELLY
Not yet
DOORBELL
KELLY
(hurrying offscreen)
Shit, make him wait a few minutes, I’ll be out. DALLAS Sure thing.
Dallas ambles towards the door, careful not to disturb freshly painted toenails, looks through peephole, opens door, reveals Bobby Lee in FANCY WESTERN SHIRT W/ EITHER SKULLS OR GUNS, holding a ROSE
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
Kelly around?
DALLAS
Yeah, she’s getting ready, come in.
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
(looks a little uncomfortable, extends hand)
Bobby Lee.
DALLAS
(going back over to sit down)
Hi.
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
Nice place.
DALLAS
So you’re a pitcher?
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
Uh, yeah.
DALLAS
Like, have you ever played for anybody big or anything?
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
College ball at Arkansas, two seasons in Chicago. Now, Prados Verdes.
DALLAS
Have you ever met Derrick Jeter?
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
Pitched against him a couple of times.
DALLAS
He’s hot.
Bobby Lee stands awkwardly. Kelly enters
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
So’s she.
KELLY
Excuse me?
DALLAS
He thinks you’re hot like Derrick Jeter.
KELLY
Ok, now I’m confused.
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
(quietly)
So’s she. Uh, found this
(extends rose)
At my local mega-mart. Call me old fashioned.
Kelly takes the rose, smells it
KELLY
(adopts exaggerated southern accent)
Why thank you ever so much Bobby Lee. A true suthrun gentleman
DALLAS
(pauses from painting her toenails) Eww.
KELLY
Let’s get out of here.
EXT. APT. COMPLEX PARKING LOT-NIGHT
Kelly and Bobby Lee approach the Charger-top down
KELLY
I wish I could drive that
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
Well, you can ride in it.
KELLY
Excuse me?
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
It’s my ride. Got it with my first bonus.
KELLY
Fuel efficient I’m sure.
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
Ten or so to the gallon.
KELLY
Got a Hemi?
By this point they are both standing at their respective car doors
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
What you know about a Hemi?
KELLY
I know that the seventy one Dodge Charger, which this would appear to be, had an optional 426 hemispheric V8.
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
Thank you Miss Vito.
KELLY
(getting into the car)
Ooo, Hurst on the floor.
Bobby Lee starts car, starts pulling out, RADIO plays low, 70’s COUNTRY
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
So somebody told me there was a good brisket place around here.
KELLY
I’m a vegetarian.
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
That’s legal in Texas?
KELLY
Surprisingly enough.
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
So where the hell can we eat?
KELLY
Mexican work?
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
Si mamacita.
INT. MEXICAN RESTAURANT- LATER THAT NIGHT
Bobby Lee and Kelly are eating CHIPS AND SALSA, Bobby Lee drinking BEER IN A BOTTLE, Kelly MARGARITA ON THE ROCKS
KELLY
So, Bobby Lee, you know what I do.
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
The noblest profession on earth.
KELLY
Thank you. But how would you describe what you do?
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
I throw a ball, really fast, at a guy holding a stick. If the guy with the stick doesn’t hit it, I did real good. If he hits it too far to the left or to the right, I did good. If he hits it, but one of my co-workers does something with it, I’m still doing ok. If my co-workers can’t do anything, I’m looking kind of bad. And if he hits
(MORE)
BOBBY LEE MORGAN (cont’d) it more than, oh, say, four hundred feet, without going too far left or right, I’m in a heap of trouble.
KELLY
In short.
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
I pitch a baseball.
KELLY
I know, I saw you on TV tonight.
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
Seven scoreless innings.
KELLY
Why didn’t you tell me you were a ballplayer?
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
(nonchalant)
Never came up
KELLY
Why did you tell me you had a degree in classics?
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
(after washing food down)
I do. University of Arkansas. ’06. You think pitchers just bone up on their Sappho so they can adopt for the old ‘I’ve got a BA in Classics’ routine?
(beat, confused)
Yknow, Lots of chicks wanna bang a ballplayer.
KELLY
So that’s why you left it out?
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
It never seemed relevant.
KELLY
Well, it’s just, I dated a ballplayer for a while. Didn’t work out.
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
I hooked up with a bartender once, turned out to be a lesbian.
KELLY
Seriously. I’m operating under some big assumptions here.
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
So am I, you do live with another girl.
Kelly shoots a perturbed look
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
Ok, ok, like what assumptions?
KELLY
Well he couldn’t carry on an intelligent conversation.
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
In the course of this evening we’ve hit politics, we both lean left. Literature, you go more for the au courant, I’m more of an old school guy, and ‘70s era Dodge muscle car design, we agree on the superiority of the 426 Hemi V8. What more can I offer?
KELLY
Ok, so you’ve got that.
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
Come on, how did he screw up? I want to know so, you know, I don’t.
KELLY
Baseball was his life. Every year around tryouts, he would drop everything.
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
Hold up, hold up, tryouts?
KELLY
Tryouts, for the Mudcats.
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
I don’t mean to toot my own horn here, but I didn’t try out for the Mudcats. I got demoted to the Mudcats.
KELLY
And that makes you a better potential boyfriend?
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
No, it makes me a different animal than the guy before.
KELLY
How so?
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
Did he bore you with stories about the lore of the game, the majesty of Yankee Stadium, the arcane statistical data of his favorite team?
KELLY
Yes, to no end. Except it was the Ballpark at Arlington, he hated the Yankees.
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
Lots of guys like that. Playing becomes this romantic thing in his head. Play, play in the majors in a so called cathedral, become an evening news story “from tryouts in Prados Verdes to the World Series,” it’s mystifying.
KELLY
But for you?
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
It’s like stripping.
KELLY
Stripping?
(laughs)
Ok, I’ve never stripped so you’re going to have to explain that one.
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
Damn, never?
KELLY
Heartbreaking, I know.
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
Well, as I understand about stripping, once you’ve demystified
(MORE)
BOBBY LEE MORGAN (cont’d) it, well, all the sexy and alluring goes away. You’re not in it for thrills, you’re not in it for bragging rights and you’re not in it because of some grand notion, you’re just in it because it’s the easiest way you know to make money.
(beat)
But I’ll confess to watching Baseball Tonight.
KELLY
I don’t know, you just don’t seem like a guy who’d want to spend his time playing baseball.
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
Why not? I’m paid handsomely to throw a ball really hard and fast. That’s it.
KELLY
Interesting.
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
I slake your worry just a little bit?
KELLY
Almost. The dipping still bothers me. And I wouldn’t have pulled out a stripper metaphor on the first date.
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
Woman, don’t try to change a man too fast.
INT. BOBBY LEE’S LOCKER
Bobby Lee sees a SLIP OF PAPER hanging in his locker, he grabs it.
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
What the fuck?
INT. MUDCAT’S LOCKER ROOM- AFTER PRACTICE
Players, which could include, among others, DA the ladies man first baseman, RAUL a Dominican shortstop, JORGE the young Mexican backup catcher, PAPA SHANGO the Santeria practicing power pitcher, COREY the fundie Christian third baseman, NEW MEAT fresh out of H.S. pitcher, and Jimmy are all in various stages of getting back into STREET CLOTHES
DA
Bet it aint a ticket back to Chicago.
NEW MEAT
Shit, they aren’t cutting people are they?
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
(dismissively)
They gave me a high six figure deal straight out the draft, New Meat. They wouldn’t piss that away after two good starts in double A.
NEW MEAT
They sent you to Texas didn’t they?
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
Besides,
(motions to Jimmy)
our stalwart catcher got one too. You know they aint cutting him.
JIMMY
(shaking his head, laughing)
Don’t be so damn sure.
COREY
Guys, I got one, it’s just for a random drug test.
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
(reads slip)
I’ll be damned.
JIMMY
Who else got one of these?
DA
I got one.
JIMMY
Of course you did. You know, they wouldn’t think you were juicing if you didn’t shop in the boy’s department.
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
Oh, the behemoth with an attitude problem is giving out pointers about how to make it look like you aint juicing. Has your bacne cleared up yet?
JIMMY
(holding up his thermos/water bottle)
This stuff is a perfectly fucking legal nutritional supplement.
JORGE
That smells like horchata mixed with horse juevos.
DA
At least me and Jimmy know what they’re looking for. Lord knows what’s in Playboy’s system.
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
Hey, the piss might be forty proof, but it’s clean. I’ll be damned if my career is going to end in Puando Vondo.
COREY
Guys, we were randomly selected. Otherwise, why would I have one?
JIMMY
(looking derisively at Corey)
You’re the one that throws the curve, Charlie Church. You make it look “random.” You’ve got
(points to Bobby Lee)
Boozy McGee over there,
(points to DA)
a man who Jacks off to his reflection,
(points to himself)
and the pissed off giant.
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
I think I have to side with the Thing on this one. Especially since DA is about to rip through his little pink shirt.
DA
(indignant)
You know, I don’t get any complaints from the ladies.
JIMMY
Generally, ruphies keep ‘em quiet.
DA flips him off CU Bobby Lee, looking down at his slip, shaking his head
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
(to himself, headed out of the clubhouse)
Nothing like a cloud of reasonable suspicion.
INT. WAITING ROOM-DAY
Angle on Jimmy, in WRESTLING T and MAJOR LEAGUE CAP sitting next to Bobby Lee, who looks like he’s headed to a southern rock concert. Bobby Lee and Jimmy simultaneously spit some chaw into POP BOTTLES or PAPER CUPS. Then we get a feel for the whole piss-test place waiting room. COFFEE STATION, TABLE with MAGAZINES, lone guy sitting across from the players.
PISS TEST GUY
You guys here for probation and parole too?
Bobby Lee and Jimmy exchange glances and realize, to look at them, it’s a reasonable question. Bobby Lee shrugs.
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
Naw, sanctity of America’s Pastime.
PISS TEST GUY
(confused)
Oh
A nurse with a clipboard opens a door, calls a name and the man gets up and goes in. Visibly bored, Bobby Lee picks up a copy of NEWSWEEK and instinctively opens it from the back and starts reading.
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
(perturbed at what he’s reading)
Jesus Christ.
JIMMY
What?
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
(reading on, to the magazine)
Oh, fuck off
JIMMY
Alright then.
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
Oh, no, big man, not you. The article.
JIMMY
What’s wrong with the article?
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
It’s George F. Will, for one thing. To top that, he’s prattling on about
(quotation fingers)
the game as if there’s something sacrosanct about hitting a ball with a stick.
JIMMY
Sacrowhat?
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
Nothing. Just, this guy does this a lot.
JIMMY
What’s his name?
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
George F. Will
(turning back to the article, adopting a pompous tone)
Baseball, it is said, is only a game. And the Grand Canyon is only a hole in the ground in Arizona.
(back to normal tone)
Like he can even throw a damn baseball,
(reading on)
He’s, yeah, he just somehow tied baseball and free-market economics into a conflated paragraph.
JIMMY
(slightly confused)
Is this a sports guy?
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
No, political guy
Jimmy ponders this for a second, spits into his bottle.
JIMMY
Then why the hell is he writing about baseball?
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
Beats me
JIMMY
What’s so bad about him?
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
(nonchalantly)
Cubs fan turned Nationals fan.
JIMMY
(makes a face)
Fuck him.
NURSE enters, holding CLIPBOARD and EMPTY PISS CUP
NURSE
Mister Morgan.
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
(raising his hand)
That would be me.
NURSE
We’re ready for you.
Bobby Lee throws down the magazine, shrugs back at Jimmy and heads to the back. After a bearably awkward silence, Jimmy spits into his bottle and picks up the magazine, which is folded to the article Bobby Lee was reading
JIMMY
(reading aloud)
Old men forget
(spits, cleans dip away, back to reading)
Said Shakespeare’s Henry V at
(uncertain about pronunciation)
Agincourt.
(puts down the magazine)
Boozehound was right, fuck that guy.
INT. KELLY’S APARTMENT
Bobby Lee and Kelly are playing WII BASEBALL, Kelly is batting, Bobby Lee is pitching
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
Little
("pitches")
Fucker.
(angry face)
Catch it you little-- My shortstop sucks.
KELLY
(singsongy)
I just got a hit, off Bobby Lee Morgan
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
(examining controller)
Just like real life
((beat)
speed’s good, control’s off.
(rubs back of his head three times)
KELLY
Why do you always do that?
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
Do what?
(w/controller under left arm, tugs shirt)
What?
KELLY
There, you doing--
(points for emphasis)
that.
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
Pitching routine.
KELLY
(raises eyebrow, shakes head)
Your little man’s sweating.
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
He’s hungover
(positions for another pitch)
Get ready baby, here...it...
(“pitches”)
Comes.
Kelly’s “batter” gets hit
KELLY
Ouch.
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
(rubs back of his head, tugs shirt)
Damn it
(beat)
you know this is driving me crazy, don’t you?
KELLY
Yeah.
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
You’re a devil woman.
KELLY
That’s why you want me so bad. Now pitch.
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
Alright.
FIRST NOTES- WAYLON JENNINGS “SLOW ROLLING LOW” PLAY
MONTAGE- BOBBY LEE PITCHING AND RELATIONSHIP
-- Bobby Lee transitions from “WII pitch” to real pitch, throws, hit, caught at the wall. (Intro) -- Bobby Lee and Kelly eating CHINESE TAKEOUT, Bobby Lee frustrated at his chopsticks (“I got a slow rollin’ low” to “twixt the dying in me”) -- Bobby Lee, DA, Raul, Ben shooting commercial on CAR LOT (“Lord I wanted to be something you could depend on”) -- Bobby Lee and Kelly in SEX STORE, Kelly lifts SCHOOLGIRL and FRENCH MAID outfits to compare. Bobby Lee reacts (“Lordy lord woe is me”) -- Bobby Lee, New Meat, Papa Shango trading PINUP, NEWS and SPORTS MAGAZINES, New Meat ends up with NEWS MAGAZINE (as slide guitar solo starts) -- Back to SEX STORE Bobby Lee lifts man-thongs to compare, Kelly disgusted (roughly at acoustic solo) -- BOBBY LEE throws a 98mph strike (“Willie,” to fade)
INT. GOAT ROPER’S- NIGHT
Bobby Lee is enjoying his usual GIMLET and sharing some NACHOS with Jorge,who is wearing a MEXICAN LEAGUE CAP. Kelly tending bar, halfheartedly watching Jeopardy. JEOPARDY THEME plays
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
Ford
KELLY
(shaking her head)
Carter
Bobby Lee and Kelly both look over at Jorge, who has a mouthful of nachos
JORGE
Like I know.
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
I’m pretty sure it’s Ford
KELLY
Ford played football for Michigan. It’s not Ford.
JORGE
Man, it sounds like she knows.
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
How sure are you?
KELLY
If I’m wrong, the next round is free.
JORGE
She’s sure.
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
I think you’re right, vato.
JEOPARDY THEME ends
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
(genuinely curious)
How is it Carter?
KELLY
Went to Annapolis.
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
I knew that.
JORGE
Sure you did Playboy.
They turn to the TV, awaiting the answer
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
Ok, for that, I got the next round.
Kelly begins flipping channels
KELLY
That hurricane is going to slam Louisiana.
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
Well, that’s three days vacation for us.
KELLY
(confused look)
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
Road stand in Arkansas, blowback from that thing’ll wash those games out.
JORGE
Here’s hoping, man, how am I supposed to catch a guy that can barely speak English?
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
You can barely speak English.
JORGE
El no puede hablar Español tampoco. [English translation: he doesn’t speak Spanish either]
KELLY
I heard Spanish and Japanese are actually similar.
JORGE
He understands “lanzamiento rompiente,” “agua de melao,” and “pegado.”
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
Which is interesting because he
(points at Jorge)
doesn’t understand “breaking ball,” “hanging curve,” or “brushback.”
(turns to Jorge)
How the fuck is he supposed to learn English if you teach him all the pitches in Spanish?
JORGE
(takes a drink before explaining)
If he needs a Latino catcher, maybe I’ll get called up with him.
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
Ingenious.
KELLY
When do you guys leave?
JORGE
Sunday.
KELLY
(to Bobby Lee)
Sorry, I’m off Tuesday and Thursday this week.
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
(finishes his drink)
We get back Thursday.
KELLY
Then it’s a date.
JORGE
(to KELLY)
Usted va a dar una mamada? (English translation: you’ll be giving head/performing oral sex)
KELLY
No, la hare (eng: no, I’ll make him)
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
(suspiciously, eating Nachos)
I know you two just said something about me
Kelly and Jorge look at Bobby Lee and laugh.
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
Man, I gotta learn more than pitches and swear words.
EXT. AWAY DUGOUT- DAY, TORRENTIAL RAIN
The guys are stuck watching it rain. Ben and Jack stand at one end of the dugout. At the other end, Bobby Lee sits between Jimmy and Jorge. Bobby Lee pulls a little keychain novelty toy from his pocket.
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
(secretively)
Check it out
JORGE
What the fuck?
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
Dr. Fart, got it at that truckstop when we stopped.
JIMMY
What’s it do?
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
See, the six buttons are all for different kinds of farts.
JIMMY
Ok, spending money on that officially certifies you’re a dumbass.
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
Au Contraire mon ami.
JIMMY
(looks over at Jorge)
JORGE
That was French, stupid.
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
I knew the front from that hurricane was going to wash out the game. I invested a buck in some entertainment.
JORGE
Well, let’s see what it can do.
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
We shall
Bobby Lee walks over, sits directly behind Jack and Ben, crosses arms to hide the fart machine
JACK
Well they said it’d been downgraded to tropical depression. But the sonfabitch went on ahead and slammed the coast anyway.
(beat)
We got the blowback.
BEN
Well, we can’t control the weather old man.
JACK
This is just a shit park. Remember when we got to watch that slobbernocker in Yankee--
SHORT LOUD FART
JACK
stadium.
BEN
(looks at Jack)
JACK
What?
LONG WET FART, followed by TWO SHORT FARTS. Bobby Lee keeps a straight face, other players, especially Jorge and Jimmy suppress laughter
JACK
Jesus Christ Ol’top what did you eat?
BEN
That wasn’t me
SQUEAKY FART, prompting Ben to turn around and confront Bobby Lee
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
What?
BEN
Indigestion?
Bobby Lee is stone faced as the others begin to show signs of cracking. Ben turns back around to Jack.
BEN
Maybe tomorrow will be clear.
JACK
You still want to pitch the Nip?
BEN
Jack, what have I told you about--
LONG WET FART, TWO SQUEAKY FARTS, BASSY RUMBLE FART
JACK
(without looking back)
I know he’s doing it, I just don’t know how.
Ben, now peeved, turns back to Bobby Lee, who knows he’s busted. But can’t resist. DIARRHEA FART, and Bobby Lee begins to show signs of cracking up
BEN
(slight grin)
Uncross your arms Playboy
Bobby Lee is still defiant. LONG BASSY FART, Bobby Lee cracks up, uncrosses his arms and hands Ben the machine
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
So will this go in your desk all day or until the end of the school year?
JACK
(shaking his head)
Technology these days. You know, back in the old days the best you could do was get a Zippo and give a guy a hot ass.
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
(momentarily regaining composure)
Did you give a lot of hot ass in the dugout?
JACK
Yeah, every year I’d give some rookie the hot ass
The team starts to lose it, Jack is oblivious.
BEN
(not laughing)
Just shut up old man.
JACK
(looks confused)
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
(genuinely)
Sorry, Jack.
Jack gets it.
JACK
Oh, ha, ha, you goddamned bunch of fairies.
INT. ECONOMY HOTEL ROOM-THAT NIGHT
There’s a party in Bobby Lee and Jimmy’s room--the dresser with, HANDLES OF LIQUOR, ICE BUCKET and POP BOTTLES reflects that. Bobby Lee, Jorge, DA, Raul are drinking mixed drinks. HIROKI, "the nip with the impossible breaking ball," wearing GROUCHO GLASSES and drinking shots. Jimmy doesn’t drink. But, along with everyone but DA and Bobby Lee, he plays Indian Poker. Bobby Lee is on his CELL PHONE with Kelly
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
Dallas did what? With dry vermouth?
(makes a face)
That’s wrong. Yeah, that front off the hurricane. Looks like it spared Texas, though. Well, yeah, I know it rained.
(piqued)
It does? You did? Shit yes I hope it’s still storming when we get back.
JIMMY
Hey, Boozehound, flick your bean a little quieter, Peter Gammons is on.
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
(puts phone to his chest)
The Red Sox lost because they fucking suck.
(back on phone)
Hey, I have to get off here, I’m getting shit. Well Jimmy wants to hear Peter Gammons.
(makes a face)
Don’t tell me that, Kelly. God damn. I’ll try to call when Hulk go night night. See you Thursday. Yeah, you too sweet thing.
(hangs up, turns to Jimmy)
I got a woman gets horny when it storms and your ass can’t shut the fuck up and let me talk to her?
JIMMY
Man, you are stuck up that bartender girl’s ass.
JORGE
That’s nothing, New Meat’s cachando for that puta he got. She’s got him by the balls. He’s wrapping thongs around his wrist under his glove. I don’t want to go in my room, man, chico might be like cyber fucking or something.
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
Where’d New Meat find that cougar?
JIMMY
Probably hanging outside the player’s exit.
(to the card players)
Show.
(beat)
You fucking beaner.
JORGE
Esta un madrazo (eng: it’s a beating/I’m kicking ass).
JIMMY
I’ll madrazo your ass
DA, in his trademark tight PASTEL POLO, watching television, fixes another drink
DA
Say whatever you want about Emily, she’s a hell of a ride.
JIMMY
Like her stretched out pussy would even notice your tiny pecker.
DA
You’re just fucking bitter because in two seasons you never got her.
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
Explanation for the uninitiated, please.
JORGE
Yeah man, do you guys pass her around or something?
JIMMY
(pausing from dealing)
Emily is a baseball Annie bat bunny slut. Usually she finds some green kid, sometimes
(he looks over at DA)
a cocky dumbass she can manipulate.
DA
She manipulated my cock.
JIMMY
(without looking up from the card game)
She had you crying at Goat Roper’s.
Bobby Lee, bored, spent the exchange fixing another drink and is now looking out the window
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
Rain broke.
JORGE
Don’t mean shit man, tomorrow’s going to be just like today.
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
Aren’t you guys bored? I mean, games get called, we sit at the hotel, nothing going on, no pussy.
JIMMY
These are double A towns, Boozehound, cards and vodka are doing good.
DA
Man, you sound like Jack. Playboy’s right, we need to get out and do some shit.
JIMMY
And what the fuck is there to do in Springdale Arkansas?
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
We use to drive up here for the titty bars.
JIMMY
Fuck that. Show
(looks down at cards)
Your game Mister Fuji
Jimmy shoves money towards Hiroki, who bows his head and takes a shot
JORGE
(to Jimmy)
Vete al carajo [eng: fuck you].
(turns to Bobby Lee)
They got strip clubs here?
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
It’s a career path chosen by many in the Ozarks.
JIMMY
No, I’m not going to a titty bar, it’s demeaning to women. It objectifies them and shit.
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
Oh, you’re a third wave feminist now?
DA
Man, he has no idea what that means.
BOBBY LEE MORGAN/JIMMY
(in unison)
Neither do you.
JIMMY
It aint right to shove dollar bills in some woman’s ass. I mean, what if she’s somebody’s mom?
DA
If she’s stripping, that’s a safe bet.
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
You’re not helping.
JORGE
What if she’s just a ho?
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
What if she’s a gender studies grad student on a reclaiming her sexuality empowerment kick because she just read “Candy Girl?”
JIMMY
(to DA)
You’re a dumbass,
(turns to Jorge)
you’re a dirty little Mexican,
(turns to Bobby Lee)
and I don’t know or care what the fuck you’re talking about.
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
Ok, I respect your position
DA shoots Bobby Lee a look, but Bobby Lee raises a hand to shut him up
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
but would you want Ben to know you stood idly by while an alcoholic fuckup, a promising, but corruptible young catcher, a raving sex addict,
(pauses)
You in Raul?
Raul nods.
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
The starting shortstop and a drunk rookie pitcher that can barely speak English went out to a strip club? That’s no responsible adult in the bunch, man.
(beat)
Skip would insist you come with us.
JIMMY
I don’t like titty bars.
Jimmy looks over at Bobby Lee, who knows he has him cornered, then at the group, then spits into his dip bottle
JIMMY
But I don’t like the thought of leaving you idiots alone in Springdale.
Bobby Lee has gone over to the dresser and is filling one of the half empty pop bottles with vodka.
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
It’s settled then. Onward and outward gentlemen.
EXT. STRIP CLUB PARKING LOT- NIGHT
The boys are all filing in, Jimmy takes the spiked POP BOTTLE from Hiroki and throws it into neighboring bushes
INT. STRIP CLUB VESTIBULE
DOOR GIRL is behind the counter checking IDs and taking money Realizing Hiroki is still wearing the GROUCHO GLASSES Jimmy takes them.
DOOR GIRL
Cover is five, this is two dollar Tuesday, two dollar well drinks until close.
(looks over Jorge’s ID)
Thank you.
(to DA)
I don’t need your ID
DA
(Rolls eyes, pays)
Bobby Lee shows his ID and Hiroki’s
DOOR GIRL
You’re ok, but I don’t know if I can take a Japanese ID.
JIMMY
We promise those squiggles mean he’s legal.
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
Yeah, we’re his translators and guides, he’s a really important businessman.
DOOR GIRL
(flatly)
Really?
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
Yeah, corporate offices in Chicago and Kyoto.
DOOR GIRL
He looks twenty one.
JIMMY
He’s never seen a pussy that runs vertically.
Bobby Lee shoots him a “dude, what the fuck?” look
DOOR GIRL
(barely registering disgust)
I said he looks twenty one, enjoy yourselves
INT. STRIP CLUB
The club has a MAIN STAGE w/ POLE, TIP RAIL, SECOND STAGE, and a COUCH SECTION to the side "I WANT TO FUCK YOU"- Snoop Dogg (or similar) plays The boys take their seats at two tables.
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
Never seen a pussy that runs vertically?
JIMMY
I froze.
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
Next time, we’ll prepare a script.
The boys focus on MAIN STAGE, DANCER does pole tricks
JORGE
I’m in love, vato
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
Man, don’t blow your wad early in the night.
JORGE
I’m going to the front row.
DA
I’m with him.
Raul looks at Bobby Lee and Jimmy in askance
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
Go.
JIMMY
We aren’t fronting you sons of bitches any money.
Jimmy and Bobby Lee sit down, w/ a visibly drunk Hiroki between, NON-STRIPPER WAITRESS comes by
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
Gin Gimlet
JIMMY
Sprite, empty plastic cup.
WAITRESS
(heavy southern accent)
You gonna dip in my club?
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
We’re sorry honey.
WAITRESS
(touching Bobby Lee’s arm)
Oh, I can forgive you, baby.
HIROKI
(apropos of nothing, through heavy drunken accent)
Whiskey Coke.
JIMMY
Heavy on the coke.
HIROKI
(waving a bill around)
You take off shirt?
WAITRESS
Not me honey.
HIROKI
Fifty dollars?
Realizing he needs to diffuse this situation, Bobby Lee taps Hiroki’s shoulder, makes “head cutting” motion, points him towards the main stage. The dancer on stage is doing floor work, Jorge holds dollar in his mouth
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
(throwing money for the drink on the table)
I’ll go watch the other half of tomorrow’s battery.
JIMMY
Good idea
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
You ok to babysit the pitcher?
JIMMY
He’s five ten, buck ninety, I can handle him. Besides, I babysit pitchers for a living.
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
Keeping the infield in line?
JIMMY
Do it on the field.
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
Good point.
(heads up to the stage)
A STRIPPER WAITRESS comes over with Jello shots, Hiroki buys more than two. Song switches to REDNECK ROCK, like KID ROCK Bobby Lee and Jorge watch the girl on stage do pole tricks
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
(amazed)
What we do is in the Olympics, but that isn’t.
(beat)
Criminal.
JORGE
(pulling out a five)
I love Springdale all the sudden.
Bobby Lee throws a dollar then goes back to the table, where Hiroki’s is head bobbing drunk. Bobby Lee and Jimmy exchange glances regarding Hiroki’s state. Bobby Lee takes a sip of his GIMLET
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
(making a face)
Damn it, I said gin.
(looks at Hiroki)
What did him in?
JIMMY
Titty shots.
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
Lethal.
EXT. STRIP CLUB PARKING LOT- A LITTLE LATER
Hiroki’s leaned over Bobby Lee’s shoulder as he helps him out. Jimmy in tow.
JIMMY
You could’ve stayed behind, I can watch him.
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
I been in his shoes before.
HIROKI
(severely slurring common Japanese Baseball cheer, head bobbing)
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
(helps finish cheer)
Yeah, go Hokkaido. Come on, up up.
HIROKI
(momentarily rousted)
We go back.
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
No, we go home.
Bobby Lee looks over Hiroki, who is visibly shit-faced and asks him, in basic Japanese, if he needs to puke. Hiroki walks over to a dirt mound in the parking lot, proceeds to puke
JIMMY
Go on back, man, I know you wanna get a dance and party.
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
(looking down at Hiroki)
Alright?
HIROKI
(flashes “ok” sign, goes back to puking)
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
I got this. Guys have carried me out in the same state, figured it’s only right to pay it forward.
JIMMY
(shrugs, grins in understanding)
Fair enough.
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
Besides, DA and Raul aren’t going to do it. And Jorge found him a fat redneck stripper.
JIMMY
With a Bocephus bird on her ass.
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
Keep those meatheads out of trouble.
JIMMY
Always do.
DRIZZLE starts to fall
JIMMY
He better hope to hell this keeps up.
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
(getting Hiroki upright)
Come on, HK, let’s get you to bed. Have fun?
HIROKI
(nods yes)
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
Like seeing titties?
HIROKI
(nods yes)
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
Ready to pitch tomorrow?
HIROKI
(drunken bliss smile, nods no)
Jimmy laughs at the exchange, salutes Bobby Lee and heads back inside the club Hiroki and Bobby Lee head the other direction.
INT. TEAM BUS- A CLOUDY DAY
Bobby Lee and Jimmy are in the back of the bus, looking out the window as players meet up with families, wives, girlfriends, etc. Focus on Bobby Lee watching New Meat and EMILY, a seductively dressed woman in her late 30s, embrace
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
(imitating Annie Savoy)
Seeing as I believe in the confines of monogamy during the baseball season, and the metaphysical properties of the game of baseball and it’s players.
JIMMY
What the fuck are you talking about?
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
(nods towards New Meat and Emily, engaged in PDA)
I do believe that as much worldly experience as I can offer to a rookie pitcher like JT, he can give me as much insight into the human condition and the nonlinear nature of the game of baseball. I believe it was Walt Whitman who said--
JIMMY
(chuckles)
Cut it out Boozehound.
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
(maintaining voice)
Well tell me, Thing, what do you believe in? Reincarnation? Baseball as a philosophical expression of the American consciousness? Opening your presents on Christmas morning?
JIMMY
I believe in the pussy, the cock...
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
(normal tone)
And the eternal baseball annie.
Bobby Lee and Jimmy make their way to the front of the bus, passing Jorge and Hiroki, who are conversing in inconsequential elementary Spanish.
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
Hitch your wagon to a star, huh?
JIMMY
Smart little Mexican.
Kelly is leaned against the front of the Charger, waiting for Bobby Lee. Bobby Lee and Jimmy walk over to the Charger, Kelly kisses Bobby Lee when he gets to the car.
KELLY
Hey baby.
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
Take care of her for me?
JIMMY
You let her drive this car?
KELLY
Trust exercise.
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
Didn’t want to leave it in a parking lot for five days.
Bobby Lee throws his bag in the back of the car
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
Top down?
KELLY
It hasn’t rained today.
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
(shrugs, to Jimmy)
Need a ride?
JIMMY
Sure.
Jimmy opens the passenger door, offers Kelly shotgun, gets in back. Bobby Lee revs engine, flips on radio, NPR ANNOUCER plays
NPR ANNOUNCER (V.O)
And that was the Austin String ensemble with Dvorak’s Water Goblin, a tone poem inspired by--
(cut off abruptly by Bobby Lee)
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
(playing with dial)
NPR, in my Charger?
KELLY
100.7 kept playing the Crue.
JIMMY
What’s wrong with the Crue?
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
I should kick both of you out.
Bobby Lee lays rubber, speeds out of the parking lot. QUICK CUT TO EMILY AND NEW MEAT.
EMILY
You need a car like that. Announce your animalistic masculine presence.
NEW MEAT
I thought you said ricers had primal youthful sexual vitality.
CHARGER
JIMMY
So what are you kids up to tonight?
KELLY
Probably going to hang out at Bobby’s place.
JIMMY
You do know how to paint the town.
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
Fuck off, Thing, I’m tired. Quiet night in never hurt anybody.
JIMMY
I guess, when you’re on the road and spending the night in--
He’s cut off by Bobby Lee’s “NO” gaze in rearview.
JIMMY
Cheap hotel rooms.
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
Exactly.
KELLY
So how’d you guys do?
JIMMY
Two called for rain.
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
Won one called in the eighth. Never stepped to the mound.
JIMMY
Never caught a pitch.
KELLY
(mocking)
I’s sowwy your life is so wuff.
JIMMY
It’s a left here.
(beat)
You let her run her mouth like that all the time?
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
Yeah, I kinda like it.
KELLY
Oh, darling, you did remember to pick up my strap-on?
JIMMY
Right at the next sign. I don’t want to know if she’s not joking, alright Boozehound?
INT. BOBBY LEE’S APT.-THAT NIGHT
Kelly and Bobby Lee enter. Bobby Lee’s apartment is the slovenly bachelor version of clean. CLOTHING strewn about, FULL TRASHCAN, BOOKS and PLAYBOYS on his living room table. Bobby Lee’s EXOTIC BOOTS by the sofa HALF EMPTY HANDLE OF GIN and BAG OF CHIPS visible in Kitchenette.
KELLY
Wow, relatively clean.
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
I knew you’d be coming over, and for more than like a second. Even washed dishes and made the bed.
KELLY
The sacrifices you make for me.
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
(rolls eyes, throws bag down)
KELLY
So what is a night in the life of Bobby Lee Morgan, the boy from Arkansas with the cannon right arm?
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
It’s kind of like kindergarten.
KELLY
Kindergarten?
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
Yeah, there are little stations.
KELLY
Oh?
Bobby Lee walks to the kitchenette pulls two ROCKS GLASSES from the DISHWASHER, sets them on the counter by the fridge He walks Kelly through his "gimlet" routine
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
Station one, is ice.
KELLY
Ice
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
Station two, booze.
KELLY
I see where this is going.
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
Station three, lime juice.
(hands Kelly one of the drinks)
KELLY
Station four?
Bobby Lee walks over to couch, grabs remote control
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
Television.
KELLY
No snacks?
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
(motioning to kitchenette)
Fritos.
KELLY
You really should try some natural foods some time.
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
What’s more natural than corn, corn oil and salt?
KELLY
Wow, you memorized the ingredient list.
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
See, you’re already rubbing off on me.
Bobby Lee sits on the sofa and starts flipping channels, Kelly follows behind with the bag of Fritos.
KELLY
So, we’ve made the drinks, turned on the TV, what do you do after that?
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
Wait.
KELLY
For what?
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
(nonchalant, flipping channels)
Phone call from Chicago.
They both look over at Bobby Lee’s CELL PHONE which is the focus for two beats.
KELLY
It isn’t ringing.
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
It usually doesn’t.
KELLY
So that’s it? You never pick up your copy of
(examines book on coffee table)
Jean Anouilh’s Antigone?
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
Usually, I get two in me, stare at the phone and decide to go to Roper’s, but you’re here, so I guess I can skip that step.
They quietly watch Television, beat of silence
KELLY
I think it’s a law that this show has to be playing at all times.
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
I watch it for the blonde doctor.
KELLY
Hmm, I would’ve pegged you more the sassy Latina nurse type.
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
Nope, blonde doctor.
KELLY
Oh god.
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
Change it, please.
KELLY
(stealing remote)
No way, I’m watching this.
ON TV:
EXT.CAR DEALERSHIP-DAY
Bobby Lee, DA, Raul and Ben standing in front of cars, COMMERCIAL ANNOUNCER speaking
COMMERCIAL ANNOUNCER (V.O)
Our Mudcats know the Zahradnik automotive family is the best in the tri-county area.
--Bobby Lee standing with TWO SUV’s behind him, throwing a pitch left to right on screen, then standing up
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
Strike out high prices.
--DA swings bat w/ THREE PERFORMANCE VEHICLES behind him
DA
And get a home run deal.
--Raul sliding into base w/ COMPACTS behind
RAUL
(thick Dominican accent)
For a steal.
--Ben, leaning with a leg on the bumper of a NICER SEDAN
BEN
From the greater Prados Verdes area’s most experienced team.
--Players stand in front of HYBRID W/ STEER HORNS, they speak in unison
PLAYERS
Crazy Ron Zahradnik’s, Toyota and Lexus of Prados Verdes. Where price sells cars.
COMMERCIAL ANNOUNCER (V.O)
Conveniently located right off the Freeway, next to Meadowbrook Mall.
--Bobby Lee and Kelly. Bobby Lee looks embarrassed, Kelly is laughing Bobby Lee shoots back his drink
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
I was contractually obligated.
KELLY
To make Texas look bad?
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
What are you talking about? It’s a fucking commercial for a dealership.
KELLY
Steer horns, on a hybrid? Who puts steer horns on a hybrid?
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
(shrugs)
Crazy Ron Zahradnik.
KELLY
The man thinks he’s Yosemite Sam.
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
Come on, Kel, Mudcats can’t be choosers.
KELLY
(turning sweet)
I know, but what kind of girlfriend would I be if I didn’t give you some shit?
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
One not unlike the others I’ve had.
Kelly straddles Bobby Lee’s lap, takes his hat off his head, frenches the hell out of him.
KELLY
Well what if I tried to take your mind off the fact that your phone still hasn’t rung and you just spent the last few days watching it rain? Then what kind of girlfriend would I be?
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
One wholly unlike the others I’ve had.
KELLY
(pecks Bobby Lee’s cheek)
I figured as much.
Kelly picks up her drink, shoots it back, crunches a piece of ice and begins unbuttoning her shirt.
KELLY
Fix me another one of these, and meet me in the bedroom
Kelly dismounts, throws her shirt on the floor as she heads out of the room. Bobby Lee hurriedly goes over to mix another two drinks
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
(yelling)
I promise those sheets are clean.
INT. BOBBY LEE’S BEDROOM-NEXT MORNING
Sun shining in. Kelly, alone in bed, waking up.
KELLY
(groggy)
What time is it?
Bobby Lee is getting dressed and ready.
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
Ten.
KELLY
Where are you going?
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
Ballpark. Warmups. Game one against Corpus Christi, needed in the bullpen.
KELLY
Fuck Corpus Christi.
Bobby Lee walks over to Kelly, kisses her forehead, grabs his bag, starts getting a plug of dip
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
(after spitting into pop bottle)
That’s the spirit, fuck Corpus Christi.
KELLY
Do you have a shirt I can borrow?
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
(pointing to ARKANSAS JERSEY)
Jersey, hanging on the door.
KELLY
Be at Goat Roper’s?
BOBBY LEE MORGAN(O.S.)
Probably. Lock the door when you leave.
Kelly goes back to sleep
INT. MANAGER’S OFFICE- AFTER A GAME
Ben, still in his full uniform, drinks COKE IN A GLASS BOTTLE and eats SHELLED PEANUTS Bobby Lee, in his undershirt sits across from him. Jack leans against the door frame
JACK
That was a hell of a game Playboy.
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
Glad to hear it, I aint use to good news coming in the skip’s office.
BEN
We’ll, you’re sitting at a very respectable 2.9. Three w’s in your last five and a good k/9.
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
Organization happy?
JACK
Happy, shit. Between you and Hokie they probably won’t leave us with any pitching come the second season.
BEN
They’re happy. But they’re cautious.
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
What do you mean, cautious?
BEN
They’re going to let you finish out the first season. After the break, they’ll see. But they want to make sure your rehabilitation takes hold.
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
I got clean piss and a great ERA. Do they think it’s the boozing?
BEN
I don’t know, Playboy. It isn’t my decision to make.
(beat)
I made sure they were aware we were cinching the Southern Division since we made you ace.
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
So they’re keeping me here to give you a Lonestar League pennant?
BEN
(laughs)
I wished they liked me that much.
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
I know, skip. Just figured they might like somebody down here.
BEN
They like you, you just need patience, kid.
Bobby Lee rustles in his chair a little, takes a few peanuts, shells and eats them, looks over at Jack and crosses eyes or sticks out tongue
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
I’m ready to go back, I mean, at least to Louisville.
BEN
You know damn good and well you’re going to rotate straight back into the show from here. It’s just a matter of when.
JACK
And it should be soon, Playboy.
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
That it, skip?
BEN
It is, and Wednesday night...
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
I throw the ball against Frisco.
Bobby Lee exits
INT. LOCKER ROOM/HALLWAY
We see Bobby Lee from behind
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
(reciting loudly, fading out as he walks down the empty hall)
Shimmering-throned immortal Aphrodite, Daughter of Zeus, Enchantress, I implore thee, Spare me, O queen, this agony and anguish, Crush not my spirit. I beseech thee, O goddess Fulfill for me what I yearn to accomplish, Be thou my ally.
INT. GOAT ROPER’S- A BUSY NIGHT
DA is at the bar having WHISKEY, Jorge MEXICAN BEER, GLENN tends bar Glenn serves Kelly a SALAD
GLENN
Rough night?
KELLY
Yeah
DA
Where’s Playboy?
GLENN
Yeah, Kelly where is your boy?
KELLY
(peeved)
I don’t know, he’ll probably be here later.
JORGE
Man, I thought he wanted to watch this game.
KELLY
He told me he doesn’t really like watching baseball.
GLENN
He plays baseball for a living.
KELLY
I don’t like watching you mix drinks.
Glenn gives a shrug of acknowledgement
DA
(getting out cell phone)
Hey, sweetie, what’s Playboy’s number?
KELLY
Firstly, what did I say about calling me sweetie?
(beat)
Secondly, why do you guys always call Bobby Playboy?
DA
Ballplayers have nicknames.
KELLY
What is the nickname’s origin?
GLENN
Oh, she doesn’t know.
JORGE
Bobby Lee cogio para arriba.
KELLY
How’d he fuck up?
DA
I’m not touching this one.
KELLY
(gesturing with fork)
If he cheated on me...
GLENN
Woa, woa, that’s not where it comes from.
JORGE
No, nothing like that. His ex-woman was a Playmate.
DA
Ex-wife.
KELLY
He didn’t tell me he was divorced.
DA
It was messy, she got everything but his Charger.
JORGE
Including his pitching.
KELLY
Well, if you guys had a Playmate ex-wife, wouldn’t you tell the person you’ve been dating?
GLENN
I’m a townie, she’d know.
DA
I’d try to set up a three way.
Kelly gets up and heads towards the back.
KELLY
You guys are pigs.
DA
She must be on the rag.
GLENN
She’s always like this when we’re busy.
EXT. BEHIND GOAT ROPERS-THAT NIGHT
Kelly and Dallas are on break, Dallas smokes a CIGARETTE.
KELLY
Can I bum one?
DALLAS
I thought you were on some, like, healthy kick or something.
KELLY
It’s been a rough night.
Dallas gives her a CIGARETTE, lights it, stubs her’s and heads back inside. Kelly gets out her CELL-PHONE, dials
INT. BOBBY LEE’S APT.
Bobby Lee drinks COCKTAIL from a JELLY GLASS. PHONE RINGS, Ringtone-JOE BUCK "SWING AND A MISS" or similar INTERCUT - TELEPHONE CONVERSATION
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
Yo.
KELLY
(emphasizing playboy)
Hey there Playboy.
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
How’d I fuck up?
KELLY
Damn it, Bobby, be serious.
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
I’m trying. What the fuck did I do?
KELLY
Why didn’t you tell me you were divorced?
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
Never came up.
KELLY
That the best you can do? Never came up?
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
Come on Kel, I didn’t hide it or anything.
KELLY
If you can’t be emotionally open enough to tell me something like--
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
Emotionally open?
KELLY
Communication, keeping a healthy relationship.
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
Baby, I aint never been in a healthy relationship.
KELLY
This is useless. You know, I just wanted to have an adult discussion--
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
You wanted to start shit because that’s what women do.
KELLY
You drunk sexist troglodyte jock asshole. This is useless, call me back when you learn how grownups talk.
(hangs up)
Bobby Lee wings phone across the room, then stares at it, slumps down on the couch, takes a pull from the bottle.
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
Shit. I was starting to like that one.
INT. GOAT ROPER’S- A FEW DAYS LATER
Jimmy is having a CHEESEBURGER and POP. Dallas and Kelly behind the bar.
JIMMY
So you aint talking to the Boozehound anymore?
KELLY
You jocks and your stupid nicknames.
JIMMY
He’s a damn boozehound, that’s why he’s here.
DALLAS
She got mad because he didn’t tell her about the ex.
JIMMY
Miss November? Said it was the best three months of his life and the worst four.
KELLY
He told you?
JIMMY
I’m as much his shrink as I am his catcher.
KELLY
Jesus.
DALLAS
Then on the phone he was drunk and a smartass.
JIMMY
When aint he?
KELLY
Exactly.
Jimmy pauses from his meal. Looks up at Kelly.
JIMMY
Alright, but you need to know something.
KELLY
What?
JIMMY
His control’s been shit lately and he pitches tomorrow.
KELLY
(exiting)
Don’t care.
DALLAS
She’s, like, totally neurotic lately. I hate when she gets like that.
JIMMY
Imagine if she was throwing a baseball at you.
EXT. FIELD/STADIUM- DAY
Bobby Lee is on the mound, batter walking to first. With RUNNERS ON THE CORNERS, Jimmy heads to the mound.
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
Ah me,-yonder I behold a new, a second woe.
JIMMY
(beat)
Didn’t sound like church shit.
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
(tugging at hat)
That was Sophocles.
JIMMY
Don’t say Testi-clees, say church shit.
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
What?
JIMMY
We win when you’re saying church shit. But today you’re pitching like old people fuck.
Bobby Lee spits, raises eyebrow
BOBBY LEE MORGAN/JIMMY (IN UNISON)
Slow and sloppy.
JIMMY
Need gum?
Bobby Lee shows he has a piece in his mouth. Jimmy looks over Bobby Lee, who brushes the back of his hat four times.
JIMMY
There, that was four. You’re off your routine.
(looks Bobby Lee in the eyes)
You’re letting a piece of pussy ruin your control.
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
She’s not just a piece of pussy, Thing.
JIMMY
Piece of pussy, blessed virgin, whatever, don’t think about her or any fucking thing but this game and say some church shit.
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
(pissed look)
JIMMY
One down, runners on the corners, time to talk to Jesus.
Jack approaches from the dugout.
JACK
Quit jerkin off or I’ll tell Ben to pull both of you.
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
I’m ready to pitch.
JIMMY
You’re pussy wounded, off your routine and won’t say church shit.
JACK
What, church shit?
JIMMY
Saying church shit makes him pitch good.
JACK
Care to explain Playboy?
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
(exasperated, angry)
Baseball practice was before confirmation class, I got in a habit of reciting catechism before I pitched, habit stuck,
(beat)
it’s psychosomatic.
JACK
Pitching is all in your head, Playboy.
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
It’s in my arm.
Jimmy and Jack exchange glances
JIMMY
Jack here sang Charlie Pride on the mound.
JACK
(exasperated)
And it helped, say some church shit.
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
(with venom, picking up rosin bag)
Thou shalt not kill. What does this mean? We should fear and love god that we may not hurt or harm our neighbor but help and befriend him in every bodily need.
(throws down bag)
JIMMY
(grins)
That so hard?
Jack begins walking away.
JACK
You crazy sons of bitches deserve each other.
Jimmy pulls down his mask and hands Bobby Lee the ball
JIMMY
It’s three tugs on the shirt, don’t forget to spit.
Bobby Lee tugs shirt three times, spits DUGOUT
BEN
Problem?
JACK
Playboy wouldn’t say church shit.
BEN
(nods)
Alright.
INT. MUDCAT’S LOCKER ROOM- AFTER THE GAME
Papa Shango is waving incense in front of a SANTERIA SHRINE Bobby Lee, Jimmy and Corey are watching
JIMMY
Between your church shit and his idol shit...
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
I wonder if that works.
COREY
(interjecting)
The only thing that works is faith in Jesus Christ--
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
True god, begotten of the father from eternity blah blah yadiblahblahblah...I got shelled today kiddo.
(beat)
and you didn’t hit anything
COREY
(walking away)
Dang it, if you just want to be a butthole, I’ll leave.
JIMMY
(taunting Corey)
That was almost cursing.
Bobby Lee approaches Papa Shango
PAPA SHANGO
Mojuba Shango.
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
Who ya talking to?
PAPA SHANGO
(without looking up)
Shango. Sky father, keeps me strong.
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
Keep your ERA low?
PAPA SHANGO
(grins, shakes head)
And my heat powerful.
Papa Shango pours RUM into SHOT GLASS in front of shrine.
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
He a drinker?
PAPA SHANGO
Shango likes the oti.
Bobby Lee pulls his DIP CAN
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
Nicotine?
PAPA SHANGO
Shango usually takes the asha from cigars.
Papa Shango pauses, realizing Bobby Lee is being friendly
PAPA SHANGO
But he could try it.
Bobby Lee shakes dip can, removes plug, puts it on TINY PLATE in front of shrine
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
Remember me Shango.
PAPA SHANGO
Asheogún Otá, Maferefún Shango (eng trans: Victory over the enemy, praise shango)
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
(tips hat to shrine)
What he said. Double.
PAPA SHANGO
Alejo, Mo, nlo Chicago.
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
(puzzled look)
PAPA SHANGO
You and I, we go to Chicago
JIMMY
When you two get done with Shango you want to go out?
PAPA SHANGO
Grapevine?
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
Roper’s. I need to talk to Kelly.
JIMMY
Yeah, tell her to give you your control back. But I’m voting Grapevine because
(takes QUARTER throws it towards shrine)
Jimmy needs some pussy.
Papa Shango takes a swig of rum, hands bottle to Bobby Lee
PAPA SHANGO
That won’t work Big Man.
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
(takes a shot)
Shango only helps if you believe.
JIMMY
(rolls eyes)
Fucking superstitious pitchers.
INT. DANCE CLUB, "THE GRAPEVINE"- THAT NIGHT
The club has a CENTRAL BAR, two SATELLITE BARS and a large DANCEFLOOR At CENTRAL BAR Kelly, drinking a "TINI" DRINK and Dallas, drinking VODKA RED BULL Kelly is playing with her CELL-PHONE, she begins reading a text
KELLY
Feel shitty. Gave up 5. Stuck with Jimmy, Shango. Miss you.
DALLAS
Delete it.
KELLY
It’s better than a rambling, drunk voice message.
DALLAS
Just put the phone up, girls night out, forget about him.
(beat)
Let’s do shots.
KELLY
No shots.
DALLAS
Then let’s find some cute guys to dance with.
KELLY
Yeah, ok.
Dallas and Kelly survey the club
KELLY
Hair gel and cheap cologne.
DALLAS
Those guys, they’re checking us out.
KELLY
The ones that look like reject Aeropostale models?
DALLAS
Why do you have to be negative about everything?
INT. SEDAN- SAME NIGHT
Bobby Lee in the back, wearing APPETITE FOR DESTRUCTION TEE (or similar) under OVERSHIRT and, inexplicably, SUNGLASSES He plays with his PHONE Jimmy is driving, Papa Shango is shotgun
JIMMY
No. No goddamn it, you’re not calling her again.
Bobby Lee is mildly intoxicated, but by alcoholic standards
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
I’m
(beat)
how do you know I’m calling her?
JIMMY
Papa Shango, take the phone.
PAPA SHANGO
Phone, Playboy.
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
Guys.
JIMMY
The two big motherfuckers have spoken.
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
(reluctantly, not enunciating)
Ahright.
Bobby Lee gives Papa Shango the phone
JIMMY
(first addressing Bobby Lee)
We’re going to the Grapevine. Find you a little blonde, me a divorcee and
(turning to Papa Shango)
you some chick with an ass.
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
Man, I want some sweet lady tequila. Fuck them Rapevine skanks.
Papa Shango and Jimmy exchange glances, Jimmy shrugs
JIMMY
Just tell some townie chick you’ve been in the show.
PAPA SHANGO
Sky father will help Playboy get laid if Playboy doesn’t drink too much tequila.
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
(grumbles)
INT. GRAPEVINE
The guys sit at a SATELLITE BAR. Bobby Lee-TEQUILA SHOTS, Papa Shango- BLUE DRINK, Jimmy- POP. Bobby Lee and Jimmy have PLASTIC SPIT CUPS Bobby Lee, facing away from the dance floor, begins to get a plug
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
So what’s the plan of action?
JIMMY
Got to scope the place out
Bobby Lee still getting a plug together SCANTLY DRESSED GIRL walks by
PAPA SHANGO
I’ve found mine.
Bobby Lee turns, watches her walk away and, while still fiddling with the plug, shrugs approvingly
JIMMY
And take those fucking sunglasses off. It’s night, you look ridiculous.
Bobby Lee, now with a massive chaw in his mouth, spits into his dip cup
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
I look mysterious.
Jimmy takes the sunglasses off, puts them in a pocket
JIMMY
You’re a pitcher, not a rock star.
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
(finishes drink)
I’m a drunk.
ELSEWHERE IN THE CLUB
KELLY
He hasn’t texted me again. I don’t know if that’s a good or bad sign.
DALLAS
Oh. My. God. He’s probably like passed out with ESPN on or something. I don’t want to hear anything else about Bobby. Ok? Girls. Night. Out.
KELLY
He isn’t passed out to ESPN.
DALLAS
How do you know?
KELLY
(gestures)
ANGLE ON, Bobby Lee, sitting at the bar, doing TEQUILA SHOTS
KELLY
Should I go over there? I should go over there. I shouldn’t go over there. I kind of want to go over there.
DALLAS
(exasperated)
Oh, god, go over there. Don’t, I don’t care. I’m going over there
(gestures other direction)
to get another drink.
ANGLE ON, Bobby Lee, spits CHAW into dip cup, wiping face with shirt
KELLY
I’m going over there.
FOCUS ON BOBBY LEE, alone, at the bar. There is a COUPLE at the far end. Bobby Lee looks at them, turns back to his drink with contempt
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
(does tequila shot, then recites quietly, to himself)
The, um, shit.
(sucks on lime)
The expense of spirit and, uh, wages of shame, lust
(chuckles)
lust in action and til lust action.
(pauses, motions for another shot)
Til action lust-- til action lust is perj-- perj--...fuck it. All this world knows, but don’t none know well. To shun the tequila that leads men to hell.
KELLY (O.S.)
127?
Bobby Lee looks up sees Kelly, looks down like he’s caught
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
128. No, wait. One of ‘em.
KELLY
You look like hell.
Bobby Lee grumbles, motions to bartender.
KELLY
(somewhat surprised)
What? No comeback?
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
No comeback.
BARTENDER comes over to Bobby Lee and Kelly
KELLY
Fix him a gimlet. Me too.
BARTENDER
(quizzical look)
KELLY
Half gin, half lime juice, ice.
Club Bartender walks away
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
(weakly)
Thanks
KELLY
Consider it an olive branch.
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
Well...uh
(beat)
There’s a martini joke in there somewhere.
KELLY
(irritated)
We get it Bobby, you’re witty, god.
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
I’m sorry...I’m a dick, it’s how I roll.
Club bartender brings them drinks
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
I’m also sorry
(sips)
I didn’t tell you about Cindy.
KELLY
God, the name makes it so much worse.
(adopts valley girl accent)
I’m, like, Cindy, tots Miss November and this is my husband the baseball pitcher.
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
She actually had a southern accent.
KELLY
Sorry
(takes a sip)
Wow, I better slow it down a little. Those Smarteenies are catching up with me.
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
(chuckles)
Smarteeni. You’re a live one.
KELLY
Live ones get mad easily.
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
I probably deserved it.
KELLY
Well, maybe not the whole wrath of bitch, but most of it. I mean, c’mon, people tell people they’re dating they have an ex spouse.
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
In Chicago, chicks knew.
KELLY
You aren’t in Chicago.
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
Aint that shit the truth.
(beat)
Hey, you wanna get out of here?
KELLY
No way, you’re staggeringly drunk.
Bobby Lee frowns
KELLY
(playfully, mock indignant)
And you gave up five runs.
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
God made you, woman, but the devil made you clever.
Kelly finishes her drink, gets up and kisses Bobby Lee’s cheek.
KELLY
I know Playboy. Call me...
(looks him over, then emphasizes)
Tomorrow.
Kelly walks away. Bobby Lee stirs his drink, shakes his head, smirks and laughs Papa Shango and Jimmy enter
JIMMY
(backslapping Bobby Lee)
Papa Shango and me got some digits while you sat here moping.
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
I chatted up a girl. She told me to call her.
PAPA SHANGO
Shango is smiling on you Playboy.
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
Let’s hope so.
JIMMY
Cute?
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
Looked a lot like Kelly.
(beat)
JIMMY
(understanding) Hmm.
INT. GOAT ROPER’S- SLOW NIGHT
The BALLGAME plays on TV as Glenn and Kelly tend bar. One CUSTOMER at the bar. Kelly takes ICE CUBES from the BEER COOLER and throws them back in from a distance. She sinks one from a far corner
KELLY
That’s a skill right there.
GLENN
Your boy’s kicking ass tonight.
KELLY
What?
(turning to the TV)
‘My boy’ or not, what the hell do I care about a baseball game? It’s boring
GLENN
This one isn’t.
Kelly gets the Customer another
KELLY
What’s so interesting about this game?
CUSTOMER
The pitcher is an out away from seven perfect innings.
KELLY
What?
GLENN
A regular with whom you’ve had some extracurricular activities has pitched twenty outs without a single hit, walk or error.
KELLY
(watching TV)
That’s really good, isn’t it?
GLENN
That’s fucking epic. It almost never happens in the majors.
CUSTOMER
It’s been a long time since I seen it in the Lone Star League
Kelly points at the TV
KELLY
The little two-one, that’s two balls one strike, right?
GLENN
Yeah, it means he better throw a strike.
KELLY
I thought it was four to walk.
CUSTOMER
He don’t want to get three down in the count, though.
KELLY
(sort of understanding)
Ah
TV- Right handed batter, pitch, contact with the ball
KELLY
Oh my god, catch it!
GLENN
Easy throw to first
(to, clearly excited, Kelly)
I thought baseball was boring.
KELLY
It usually is.
TV- Bobby Lee ambling back to the dugout, gives "good job" point to Corey
EXT. FIELD/STADIUM- NIGHT
Bobby Lee ambles into the dugout, Ben slaps his back
BEN
Way to go Playboy.
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
(half smiling)
Glad I had Charlie Church.
JACK
(thinking Bobby Lee is being modest)
Glad he had Charlie Church.
Bobby Lee gives a few fist bumps, takes his seat at the end of the bench next to Jimmy, almost falls into his seat
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
Look like you’ll be up this inning?
JIMMY
Naw, it’s the middle of the rotation.
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
Think I’ll be up this inning?
JIMMY
I got the second out last inning, so I doubt it.
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
Thank god. You got any more of that gum?
JIMMY
(fishing for it)
You like the orange or the spearmint better?
Hands Bobby Lee a piece of gum
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
I’m partial to the mint. I can handle the orange though.
Bobby Lee and Jimmy chew gum, two beats silence
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
Twenty one outs.
JIMMY
(slowly)
Yup, twenty one.
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
Hey.
JIMMY
Yeah
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
I haven’t pitched a hit all day, have I?
JIMMY
Nope.
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
We walk anybody?
JIMMY
(looks up as if he’s thinking hard)
Not that I remember.
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
So that means.
JIMMY
We’ve got six more outs.
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
(smirks)
You want to go out tonight, try and get some pussy?
JIMMY
I thought you and bartender girl made up.
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
We did... sort of... I meant get you some pussy.
JIMMY
(chuckles)
Yeah, but not Goat Roper’s.
(beat)
Or the Rapevine
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
I said pussy, not VD. We’ll go to Varsity Blues.
JIMMY
That place is a little dark, man.
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
(shrugs)
We’ll go with Papa Shango.
INT. GOAT ROPER’S
The game is on all the TVs, sound up TV- Bobby Lee and Jimmy talking in dugout
T.V.ANNOUNCER (V.O.)
Who knows what those two are talking about right now, Tim. Seven shutout innings, and the offense has put in a comfortable two runs.
T.V. ANNOUNCER 2 (V.O.)
They’re probably worried about Nivar in the eighth, Joe.
Kelly and Glenn quickly fill orders. Dallas stands doing nothing. Customer lights a cigarette.
DALLAS
Hey, Bobby Lee is about to pitch a no-hitter
GLENN
No-hitter, shit, he’s pitching a perfect game.
DALLAS
(as if stating the obvious)
Exactly, a game where nobody gets a hit
GLENN
It’s better than a no-hitter.
DALLAS
(curt)
How can it be better?
KELLY
Wouldn’t a perfect game, by definition be a no hitter?
GLENN
(looks over at Customer)
Women.
Customer chuckles, goes back to his beer and cigarette
KELLY
What is this? An all squares are rectangles, but not all rectangles type thing?
DALLAS
What, rectangles?
GLENN
(turning just to Kelly)
A no-hitter is just that, no hits. In a perfect game there are no walks or errors, either. He’d be screwed if he didn’t have such a good infield.
KELLY
Learn something new.
EXT. DUGOUT- A LITTLE LATER
A visibly tired Bobby Lee sits next to Jimmy, who is staring into space
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
(rousted)
You know what, fuck George F. Will
JIMMY
Who?
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
The political guy that writes about baseball
JIMMY
(pretending to remember)
Oh yeah, him.
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
Yeah, him and Olbermann and Costas too
JIMMY
Why Costas? Costas is alright.
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
No, fuck him too. Fuck all the purists.
JIMMY
Are you psyching yourself out again? I swear to god--
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
No, it’s just that...Well, Big Man, I could use a designated hitter right now.
Jimmy grins, chuckles
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
Twenty four outs, and I got to go be on deck. That’s bullshit, man.
JIMMY
Hey, I been calling your fucking pitches, keeping the infield aligned and they actually expect me to hit something, pussy.
Bobby Lee shrugs, gets up, goes over to get his helmet and bat
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
I guess you’re right.
Bobby Lee stands in the On Deck Circle, where he takes a few swings and begins to sing to himself
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
Come and listen to a story ‘bout a man named Jed, poor mountaineer barely kept his family fed, then one day he was shootin’ at some food and up through the ground come a bubblin’ crude
(examines his bat)
Oil that is, black gold
(examines barrel of bat)
Texas tea
CUT TO: BAR TV
TV- The beginnings of Bobby Lee’s On Deck Circle routine
CUT TO: IN THE ON DECK CIRCLE
STADIUM ANNOUNCER (V.0)
Batting next for the Mudcats, number nine, Bobby Lee Morgan.
Stadium PA plays RIFF ROCK Bobby Lee walks into the batter’s box, positions himself
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
Now it’s time to say goodbye to Jed and all his kin, they’d like to thank you kindly folks for kindly dropping in, you’re all invited back again to this locality
(holds note, then drops voice about an octave)
to have a heapin’ helpin’ of their hospitality
(winking at the catcher)
Ever see the one where Granny boxes a kangaroo?
Bobby Lee prepares to take a pitch. A hard fastball down the middle, Bobby Lee doesn’t swing
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
Wasn’t expecting that motherfucker.
(to catcher)
You wanna calm him down? I’m barely on the interstate and don’t wanna be up here.
CUT TO: INT. GOAT ROPER’S
The Bar is fixated on a TV showing Bobby Lee in the batter’s box.
KELLY
(exasperated)
Two strikes and he hasn’t even tried to swing. He looks tired.
GLENN
He’s a pitcher, he’s conserving his energy.
CUSTOMER
He’s a pitcher, and he hits like one.
GLENN
Amen to that.
KELLY
Shut up, he’s about to get another pitch
TV- Pitcher checks Raul on first, doesn’t get the out
GLENN
Forget it, the guy was just keeping Raul on first.
(raises voice)
Like he had such a big lead off anyway,
(quiets back down)
asshole.
DALLAS
They shouldn’t be allowed to do that.
Glenn makes a face, Kelly shakes her head and gives Glenn slight “throat slash” TV- Bobby Lee gets one hard, high, inside
KELLY
Oh, bull shit. Throw that guy out.
CUT TO: BOBBY LEE IN THE BOX
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
(rousted, to umpire)
Hey, man I wasn’t even leaning in. Can he at least get a warning or something?
(looks down at the catcher)
Be glad neither of you two are up next inning. I been known to head hunt.
Bobby Lee squares up for next pitch, speaking to himself, but audible to the catcher
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
Just throw me another one, asshole. Just throw me another one.
He swings, whiffs, picks up bat, shrugs at the dugout, starts singing as he walks back
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
What a great day to take a stroll and wander by the fishing hole.
CUT TO: BAR TV
TV- Bobby Lee and Jimmy talking on the mound Kelly is getting a customer another beer
KELLY
(yelling at the TV)
Throw the ball already. This suspense is killing me.
Kelly hands Glenn the empty, he throws it away
GLENN
Chill out woman, he’s a pitch away here.
T.V. ANNOUNCER (V.O.)
Ten pitches and two strikeouts into the ninth inning and we can only speculate as to the discussion on the mound.
CUT TO: THE MOUND
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
(Clearly, mid conversation)
Because I swallowed the last piece when he threw for my head that’s why.
JIMMY
This shit isn’t candy, you know.
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
I’ll buy you a pack and a can of dip later. So, tonight, BBQ or Mexican?
JIMMY
(nonchalantly)
I can always go for some Brisket.
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
Wonder if Kelly’s off work?
Jimmy fishes for and gives Bobby Lee a piece of gum
JIMMY
Mexican’s fine too. You ready to pitch?
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
La serpentina? Catch him unawares?
Jimmy puts on his mask and heads towards the plate
JIMMY
Naw, just throw it fast
(beat)
and hard.
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
(Picks up the rosin bag))
Twenty seventh out.
He bounces the bag three times, counting aloud as he does it, repeats, stands with bag, throws it down behind him
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
Twenty seventh batter.
(brushes back of his hat)
One, two, three, one
(stretches word)
for luck, bill.
(makes exaggerated chewing motion)
One, two, three.
He spits without losing his gum, gets into position, checks surroundings out of habit, brings glove in front of his face
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
I, a poor sinner, confess myself before God guilty of all sins; especially I confess before you that I am a right handed pitcher. But, alas, I serve my master unfaithfully; for in this I have not done what they commanded me; I have provoked them, and caused them to curse, have been negligent and permitted damage to be done; have also been immodest in words and deeds, have quarreled with management, been kind of a dick to Kelly, drank too much gin, partaken of Jimmy’s Nicotine gum and practiced Santeria. For all this I am sorry, and pray for grace; or at least one more strike. Wee pig sooie, wee pig sooie, wee pig sooie RAZORBACKS.
We follow Bobby Lee, in normal speed, from wind-up to follow through. Bobby Lee, face turned, eyes away from the plate Beat Crowd roars, Bobby Lee pumps his fist as he sees Jimmy holding the ball and headed toward the mound
CUT TO: GOAT ROPER’S
The patrons, and especially the bartenders are cheering wildly. TV-Bobby Lee in a dogpile on the field.
INT. BEN’S OFFICE- THAT NIGHT
Ben is on the phone, Jimmy and Jack across from his desk
BEN
He pitched a perfect-- Yes, he’s been controlling himself. That was one game, Mac and he followed it with this. Alright. Alright. I’ll tell both of them.
JACK
Story?
BEN
Playboy stays through the playoffs, then they’ll decide.
JIMMY
Ouch.
BEN
(to Jimmy)
Come the second season, you’ve got a coaching position. Next year, they might give you Bristol.
JIMMY
First time in my career I don’t have to worry about ending up the player to be named later.
BEN
I’ll send Mac your regards.
JIMMY
Want me to give Playboy the news?
JACK
He’ll know soon enough.
INT. BOBBY LEE’S APT.- LATER THAT NIGHT
Bobby Lee is missing his "perfect game party" He wears a WIFEBEATER and an ICE PACK over his right shoulder On his CELL PHONE
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
Well damn it, Jerry, then get me traded. I pitched a perfect fucking game, Jerry and they still don’t have faith in me? Talk to Mac some more then.
(swigs)
Yeah it’s under control. No, but I will be--. I’m celebrating man, I’ve never pitched a perfect game. I don’t know, Anaheim needs some heat.
(balking)
I’d rather be here than in Cincy.
KNOCK AT DOOR
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
(phone to chest)
Who’s there?
KELLY (O.S.)
Kel.
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
I’ll call you back.
Bobby Lee opens the door, Kelly is standing with BOTTLE OF GOOD GIN
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
Hey.
KELLY
Can I come in? I bear gifts.
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
Yeah, yeah.
(looks at bottle)
Good shit.
Kelly enters, surveys apartment, goes over to kitchenette
KELLY
Kind of a shithole right now.
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
I wasn’t expecting guests
(sits down on the couch)
Especially you.
KELLY
I looked for you at work, they’re throwing a party for you.
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
Yeah, I know.
Kelly fixes drinks, hands one to Bobby Lee She can tell he’s sulking, so she teases him
KELLY
Are you in poor pitiful me mode for some reason?
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
You just come by to give me shit?
KELLY
I came by to congratulate you.
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
On what? They’re keeping me here, probably for the second season.
KELLY
After today?
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
Yup, I get to stay in Prado Shithole in a bus league.
KELLY
It could be worse.
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
Could it? Kel, in Chicago I had anything the city could give me. Cool clubs, five star restaurants, swank apartment.
KELLY
Materialist much?
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
It’s not just that. I was somebody, all because of
(points to iced arm)
this bad boy here. I was the rookie pitcher little kids in Chicago wanted to grow up to be! But now?
(beat)
I’m at risk of ending up a cautionary tale; Bobby Lee Morgan, the second coming of Steve Dalkowski.
KELLY
Who?
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
Exactly.
KELLY
(composes herself)
I know you’re going to get that call, Bobby.
(beat)
Besides, look on the bright side.
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
What’s the fucking bright side, huh? I’ve got this lovely place, a telephone number the organization must’ve forgotten, and an ERA that aint never gonna be low enough.
KELLY
Forgot me.
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
(swigs drink, surprised) Huh?
KELLY
You’ve got a hot Texas girl.
(beat, grin)
I mean who wants a Playmate when you can have the hottest piece of ass at Goat Roper’s?
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
Yeah, she’s great, better than the Playmate, but she’s been kind of pissed at me lately.
Kelly looks at Bobby Lee with a deflating “really” look
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
She’s dangerous.
KELLY
Why’s that?
Bobby Lee gets up, finishes his drink, kisses Kelly on the cheek, heads towards the kitchenette
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
She calls me on my shit.
KELLY
Somebody has to, you never listen to Jimmy. And he’s your catcher.
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
What’s that supposed to mean?
KELLY
I don’t know. Attempt at baseball talk.
Bobby Lee is now back in the living room, playing with the remote
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
Want to watch the doctor show?
Kelly takes the remote from Bobby Lee, kisses him Bobby Lee kisses Kelly deeply, Kelly touches Bobby Lee’s right shoulder softly
KELLY
I want you to get a new ice pack, put on a shirt, and then go over to Roper’s, where I can show you off.
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
Alright.
KELLY
And Playboy, if you want to really celebrate this game.
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
Yeah
Kelly takes Bobby Lee’s middle finger, playfully seductive sucks it
KELLY
(winks)
Don’t get too drunk.
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
(speechless, gathering himself)
Check, don’t get too drunk.
EXT. BALLPARK- SUNNY SUMMER DAY
Kelly and Dallas sit above the home dugout. Kelly is reading the program, scratching her head
KELLY
What is S-L-G?
DALLAS
Like I know.
Kelly looks up at Bobby Lee and Jorge standing on the mound
KELLY
Great. He’s scratching himself. In public.
(sarcastically)
Sexy.
ON THE MOUND Bobby Lee is pointing towards Dallas in the stands
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
Next to Kelly, real tan, with the Anita Pallenberg shades.
JORGE
The what?
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
The big sunglasses.
JORGE
Oh yeah, she’s single?
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
Thinks ballplayers are hot as hell, dude.
JORGE
Yeah, ok, tonight, Grapevine.
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
Bola rapida?
JORGE
Si, hard.
Jorge walks back behind the plate Bobby Lee does his OCD routine Bobby Lee raises the glove over his mouth.
BOBBY LEE MORGAN
Let thy holy angel be with me. That thy wicked foe have no power over me.
Gets into position, raises up FREEZE immediately after the ball leaves Bobby Lee’s hand FTB